The courage to say “Di Na Lilingunin” (I Will No Longer Look Back) is the most underrated skill. That decision changes lives and stops generations of abuses, yet it is often a decision that most people won’t do. There’s shame, anger and resentment wrapped in that decision, serving as a barricade that prevents people from letting go.
There’s also social conditioning, an internalized deeply rooted conditioning, that demonizes the act of letting go, especially if the one who decides to let go is a woman.
This is the complex feeling that I explored in the poem “Di Na Lilingunin”.
What if what chips away relationships are not just big dramatic ruinous events? What if it is because of the simple things: the rift when life takes off differently, with one moving ahead in adulthood and one still holding on firmly to teenagehood?
Sampung taon na rin iyon
Magmula ng maging tayo
Subalit,
nauna akong magtapos sa iyo
Bumagsak ka kasi sa isang subject mo
At dalawang beses na nagshift ng kurso
Nauna rin akong magkatrabaho
Kaya habang ang thesis ang problema mo
Ako nama'y pinoproblema ang dokumento
Na hinihingi ng Senado.
That was ten years ago—
The beginning of us.
But then—
I moved ahead.
I graduated first.
You stumbled over a subject,
Shifted courses—twice.
I found work before you did.
While you wrestled with your thesis,
I was buried in paperwork
Requested by the Senate.
Yet, we refuse to say “I Will No Longer Look Back”. Women, especially, are infamous at clinging on, picking up shattered pieces, over and over again.
Pagpatak ng alas-sais
Sabay tayong nagtungo sa ating tipanan
Pero bakit ganun?
Nalusaw kasi ang galit at hinanakit
Ng ikaw ay masilayan.
May alanganing ngiti sa iyong mga labi
Pero sapat na iyon,
sapat na iyon
Para sa akin.
But the moment I saw you,
Everything dissolved—
All the anger,
All the hurt—
Gone.
There was a hesitant smile
On your lips,
And somehow,
That alone
Was enough for me.
I continue to wonder why people take affection for granted so easily. It’s all exciting when we’re chasing someone else, making us do everything just to get the other person. But the moment we have that person, we take them for granted. Once we know they like us, suddenly we cringe at their open affection. Suddenly, they’re ordinary and we ignore them.
Pero ang gago mo eh,
Wala kang sinagot sa mga tanong ko,
Kumain ka lang na parang wala ako
At ni ayaw mong tingnan ang mga mata ko
Hindi ko alam tuloy kung bakit
Nagkita pa tayo.
But you—
You said nothing.
Not a single answer.
You ate in silence,
As if I weren’t even there.
You couldn’t even look me in the eye.
And I found myself wondering
Why we had met at all.
“Di Na Lilingunin“ is a vulnerable narrative reflecting on a 10-year relationship. The persona is raw and desperate, but ultimately courageous. Afterall, this tale ends in her quiet realization: “I Will No Longer Look Back.”
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